In every relationship, the needs of one partner might be different from those of the other. Most of the time, it is perfectly fine.
What if your partner is asexual, then?
Some people are often hesitant to date an asexual because of the stark differences in their preferences. However, it shouldn’t be the case. All you have to do is learn and remember several important asexual dating rules you must follow to have a happy and fulfilling relationship.
Be Honest With Your Feelings
If you are not that confident about starting a relationship with an asexual partner, then, you should be truthful about it right from the get-go.
But if you like to give it a try, you should be willing enough to put in the necessary effort and time required to make the relationship work.
Try to talk to your partner about how you feel. For all you know, doing so will help you get a clearer and better understanding of the whole situation.
They might even have some helpful ideas for forming a strong bond with no sex involved. You can also discuss other things or activities you can try doing together without the need for intimacy.
Keep the Communication Lines Open
Open communication with your partner is extremely important when you are dating or in any kind of relationship for that matter. But, it rings even truer if you are part of a non-traditional relationship, like when you are dating an asexual people.
For instance, some asexual men and women, known as ace, let their potential dates know about their asexuality right from the get-go. Although some may find it awkward or even scary, it will help set the expectations regarding the relationship. It can also prevent misunderstandings or heartbreaks down the road.
Similarly, if you are dating an asexual partner, you should also let them know your expectations to make sure that both of you are on the same page when it comes to specific aspects of your relationship.
Of course, it will still be up to you when you choose to confide in a potential partner. For this reason, clearing things right away from the start and throughout the relationship is important to achieve and maintain an authentic and strong connection.
Define the Relationship Together
You and your partner need to define the relationship you have together. It means you have to discuss your and your partner’s expectations and how to achieve these. if your partner is asexual, they might allow you to masturbate, for example. They might also be willing enough to engage in sex with you on a specific schedule.
These are situations that you should work out together. Again, every couple is unique and different. There are instances when an asexual person might feel uncomfortable with having sex or any form of intimacy. If it is the case with your partner, you should be supportive enough without expecting anything that they cannot give in the first place.
Never Try to Change Your Partner
One of the worst things you can do to your partner is to try to change them, especially after you learned about their asexuality. For instance, you should never tell them to stop being asexual because it can be very insulting in many ways.
How would you feel if someone tells you to stop liking your favorite food just because they don’t like it? You would surely feel upset. This is ten times more painful if it involves something more intimate like sexual preferences.
Rather than trying to change your partner, it would be better to learn more about your partner and what they feel or experience. Doing so will benefit both of you and the relationship in general.
Don’t Think Their Asexuality is Your Fault
Never assume that the asexuality of your partner is because of something you did. A person can be born asexual and is not something they just choose to be after they reach a specific age. The moment you learn about your partner’s asexuality, try to put yourself in their shoes. Consider their feelings, especially because it is something that is often misunderstood in society.
Respect Each Other’s Boundaries
Asexuality is a vast concept that refers to people who don’t feel any sexual attraction. It also exists on the spectrum just like gender. This is why every asexual person is unique and different. For instance, some asexuals only limit themselves to holding hands, while others are comfortable enough to engage in sexual intercourse.
If the two of you have a romantic attraction toward each other, you can try to explore different means of expressing your affection and love in ways where no physical intercourse is involved. While it might not be easy to date an asexual man or woman, it is important to always respect their boundaries in the same way that you respect others.
Always Discuss the Needs of Your Partner
As you get to learn more about your partner, it is also important to listen and pay attention to them as they discuss their needs in the relationship. While they do so, you might notice that their sexual needs are relatively fewer compared to those who are not asexual, which is something you might have to get used to. These discussions will ensure that the two of you can get what you need and want out of the relationship despite your differences.
Understand Your Partner’s Perspective
Another important asexual dating rule you must follow is to understand the point of view of your partner. It means you should talk to them regarding asexuality and everything it entails. You also need to make an effort to know more about asexuality so you can understand it better as a whole.
Enjoy and Have Fun
Bringing romance to your relationship with an asexual people might seem a bit difficult at first but it is not. Remember that you are still dating, and only sexuality is lacking here. Treat your partner in the same way you treat other dates. Watch movies with them, ask them out for a coffee date, and indulge in your interests and hobbies.
Asexual dating doesn’t have to be complicated. Don’t let your or your partner’s sexual orientation stop you from having the best time of your life!