An asexual is someone who doesn’t have sexual feelings and desires. Unfortunately, not a lot of people are aware of asexuality so they often shrug it off or don’t even believe that it does exist.
Now, others might assume that it’s just the same with celibacy. However, being an asexual isn’t about deciding to be celibate. Asexual people don’t just choose not to have sexual feelings and desires. The absence of these is at the very core of their persona and just like other sexual identities out there, being an asexual isn’t a matter of choice.
Finding a partner if you’re asexual can make things a bit complicated. But it doesn’t mean that all hopes are lost. Any kind of relationship will work as long as two people decide and choose to love and care for each other regardless of their differences.
But you still need to acknowledge these differences to ensure that your partner doesn’t have unresolved needs. Here are some helpful pieces of advice on finding your partner who will understand and accept your asexuality with no questions asked.
Be Open and Honest about Your True Intentions
The moment you start getting to know a potential partner, make sure that you come out about your asexuality on terms that you set yourself. As your relationship develops and deepens, you also have to be open about the kind of future you expect.
You should let your partner know if you plan to have any sexual intimacy with them. It’s also equally critical that you’re aware of your partner’s expectations when it comes to physical relationships and sex.
Be Ready to Answer an Onslaught of Questions
Asexuality has long been regarded as the invisible sexual orientation. Since it’s uncommon and almost unknown, be ready to answer the multiple questions of a prospective partner about it. But don’t worry because it can be a good thing.
The fact that your partner asks you all these questions is an indication that they are interested in your sexual orientation. To support this curiosity, try to be informative and patient. Be prepared because the list of questions may be endless.
What matters here is that you are ready to answer them. However, just to be clear, it doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to explain asexuality as a whole and its relation to your situation. It can get tiring to repeatedly and constantly explain your identity. But rest assured that doing this will help you find and meet compatible partners. It can also help you eliminate those that won’t likely work at all.
Educate Your Date
Not everyone is as familiar with asexuality as you are. Once you’ve decided to come out as an asexual to your partner, be sure to combine it with a dose of sexual education.
For example, you can keep everything simple at first by explaining about being asexual and how it differs from being aromantic. It will ensure that your partner knows that even if you do love or like them, you lack the inherent need to engage with sexual intercourse. This will ensure that your partner won’t take things personally.
Just remember that it might take some patience on your part to explain asexuality and your partner won’t probably get it immediately.
Give Online Dating a Try
With dating going digital these days, online platforms are no longer seen as the final resort to meeting a partner and finding love.
For instance, many asexuals meet on asexual dating sites and continue to communicate there. You can also indicate that you’re asexual on other top dating apps such as OkCupid.
Although there are several drawbacks associated with online dating, this gives you enough space for expressing yourself and lets you discover more about potential dates and get to know them better before you meet them in person.
Know Your Boundaries
It’s also imperative that you are clear about your asexuality, what it means to you, and the type of relationship you’re looking for. Are you after a romantic or platonic relationship? Can you imagine yourself being intimate with your partner? Would you like nothing else but an emotional connection or you do also enjoy cuddling, kissing, or having sex now and then?
Being honest with yourself is a step you can’t miss if you’re trying to look for a partner. Respecting your feelings is the only way that you can join the dating arena knowing that others won’t cross your boundaries.
Determine the Right Time to Tell
One of the main difficulties that asexual singles have to face is knowing when to tell their partner about their sexuality. Do you do it on your first date, on your third date, right before sex is bound to happen, or after years of being in a relationship?
Ultimately, the answer will depend on what you’re most comfortable with. Some asexuals, for instance, prefer disclosing their orientation as soon as possible. They consider it as something similar to removing a Band-Aid. They will be worrying less about it if they do it faster.
Some are more comfortable talking about their asexuality much later in their relationship once they have established a strong connection and a foundation of trust. And then some waited until they tie the knot and have kids before they told their partner about their asexuality.
No matter what approach you choose to take, remember that each one has its pros and cons.
Date Other Asexuals
For UK asexual singles, dating someone from your sexuality spectrum makes perfect sense, not to mention that it’s also the most obvious option. This way, you’ll likely share the same views in terms of relationships and sexual desires. You’ll find it easier to discuss your intimacy needs if both of you understand your sexuality.